If He’s Perfect…
No Problemo? No Braino!
Are you unfazed by rejection and occasional gunfire? Do you collect restraining orders as a hobby? Are you saving your virginity until your true love admits that you exist?
Then you may be afflicted with the dreaded “Pepe Le Pew Syndrome!”
If so, please take a strong dose of reality and look out for skunks.
↓ Transcript
WOMAN: No! Really! Stop asking me out! I’m gay!
MAN: Still? Well, no prob-lem-o! I’ll check back later!
MAN: Still? Well, no prob-lem-o! I’ll check back later!
Allergic to Men?
Sophisticated scientific studies (which I just made up) show that at least 100 percent of women* suffer from occasional bouts of male sickness. This disease now has a name (because I just made it up too): Male-o-pause!
If you have symptoms of Male-o-pause (itching, anxiety, breathing) see your doctor. There! Don’t you feel better?
*Do men suffer from Male-o-pause? Who knows? Attempts at research usually end in drunken brawls.
↓ Transcript
SCENE: A woman with her head down and her hand to her forehead as if she's got a headache.
WOMAN: I’m allergic to men! They make me sick…when they’re not around!
WOMAN: I’m allergic to men! They make me sick…when they’re not around!
Sex for Nitwits
Order now. Operators are standing by. And they’re getting cranky!
↓ Transcript
SCENE: A young couple are kissing on a porch. Two identical books are on the porch steps.
HEADLINE TEXT: Are You a Failure at Fornication?
TEXT: A mating dropout? A loving loser?
Then you need the book that’s helped millions…beget more millions:
BOOK TITLE: Sex for Nitwits!
TEASER TEXT: --Learn about sex at home--alone!
--New edition with more pictures!
--Fewer big words!
--And! Shorter! Sentences!
TESTIMONIAL: “Sex for Nitwits changed my life!”
--Votta Von Tramp,
Last Kiss Home for Unwed Moms!
MAN (KISSING WOMAN): I bought two copies so I’d learn twice as much!
WOMAN: I bought three!
HEADLINE TEXT: Are You a Failure at Fornication?
TEXT: A mating dropout? A loving loser?
Then you need the book that’s helped millions…beget more millions:
BOOK TITLE: Sex for Nitwits!
TEASER TEXT: --Learn about sex at home--alone!
--New edition with more pictures!
--Fewer big words!
--And! Shorter! Sentences!
TESTIMONIAL: “Sex for Nitwits changed my life!”
--Votta Von Tramp,
Last Kiss Home for Unwed Moms!
MAN (KISSING WOMAN): I bought two copies so I’d learn twice as much!
WOMAN: I bought three!
Sailor Beware
See the world. Date the Navy!
↓ Transcript
SCENE: Woman kisses a sailor as another couple looks on.
WOMAN KISSING SAILOR: At last...my collection is complete! I have a sailor in every port!
WOMAN KISSING SAILOR: At last...my collection is complete! I have a sailor in every port!
