by John | Oct 4, 2009 | Uncategorized
Are you happy with your health insurance? Great. I’m happy for you. Really.
But if you’re a freelancer–like most comic pros are–you probably aren’t so happy. (Unless you have a spouse with great health insurance.) Because you’re on your own, baby.
You can end up paying $1,100 a month for a basic, no-frills plan. I know because I’ve paid it. (And then paid thousands of dollars more when I found that our plan didn’t cover some basic tests and treatment.)
This isn’t a liberal vs. conservative issue. This is a comics issue. Affordable health care would be a huge boost for struggling comic pros. Instead of working three jobs to support themselves, some comic creators might only have to work two and a half. Oh, sure, affordable health care would also benefit millions of other folks. But let’s get our priorities straight, people. It’s all about me.
↓ TranscriptCRYING WOMAN: I’ll never qualify for insurance! Being a comic character is...a pre-existing health condition!
by John | Oct 1, 2009 | Uncategorized
At Last Kiss Air, we guarantee that most of our pilots are sober, experienced and trustworthy. The rest are relatives. So we’re stuck with them.
↓ TranscriptSCENE: A handsome, male, airline pilot is standing in a doorway talking to a woman.
PILOT: Hi! I'm working my way through flight school...and if I can sell just a few more tickets I'll get to fly a real plane.
WOMAN (thinks): It's a one-way ticket to doom, but...he's so handsome!
by John | Sep 29, 2009 | Uncategorized
You must remember this
A kiss is just a kiss, a sigh is just a sigh.
The fundamental things apply
As time goes by.
And when two lovers woo
Their tongues swap spit it’s true!
On that you can rely
No matter what the future brings
As time goes by.
↓ TranscriptSCENE: Man and woman kissing.
Woman (thinking): Golly! He uses more tongue than my dog!
by John | Sep 27, 2009 | Uncategorized
Yes, I Twitter a bit (under the name “Last_Kiss”) and I’m on Facebook too (“John Lustig”), but I confess that I still fritter. In fact, I’m frittering right now. Fritter. Fritter. Fritter.
I’m sending this out early because I won’t have time to fritter later. For Shelagh’s birthday (July 29), I bought tickets to attend a question and answer session with Carol Burnett. Ms. Burnett is in town tonight and if anyone can turn a question and answer session into an entire performance, it’s her. Now if I could only think of something really juicy to ask her.
Hmm…maybe if I watch some of her old clips on YouTube I’ll think of something.
Fritter. Fritter, Fritter
↓ TranscriptWOMAN (speaking to man): I used to fritter, but now I Twitter!
by John | Sep 24, 2009 | Uncategorized
Now that summer’s officially over, it’s good to take a moment and savor autumn. And then immediately panic because (Holy Crud!) there are only &^%# days to Christmas! And Hanukkah! And Uncle Binky’s birthday–it’s coming too!
And Aunt Lucy’s hemorrhoids! Shouldn’t you send a get well card?
What to do? What to do?
Fortunately, you’re a Last Kiss fan–so you’ll be prepared. Yes, the new Last Kiss greeting cards are still available. And shipping is free on all orders now. Best of all, every card sold:
1) makes me fabulously rich (in an alternative reality where Bill Gates is my brother. In this reality, it’ll just help me pay my bills and keep Last Kiss going. Yippee!)
2) proves that you’re funnier and more brilliant than all your friends–unless, of course, they buy Last Kiss cards too.
3) makes the world a better, funnier place. Unicorns will return to Middle Earth. And gravity will finally be negotiable. (There’s more, but I don’t want to make any promises I’m not sure I can keep.)
Buy Last Kiss cards today–and save the future from boredom/
↓ TranscriptSCENE: A man dressed as an airplane pilot is kissing a beautiful woman on the tarmac of an airport.
PILOT: Jeepers! A real woman! I knew buying this pilot's outfit would pay off!
WOMAN: Gosh! a real pilot! I knew stuffing my bra would
pay off!
aviation
