by John | Oct 15, 2009 | Uncategorized
I haven’t really decided yet who the speaker is. But I’m pretty sure she (or he) needs to stop waiting for Mr. Right to call and get out of that @#%& room more often!
↓ TranscriptSCENE: We're inside a dark room and can see outside through a partially open window. A voice comes from off panel inside the room.
VOICE: Someday, I’ll meet the perfect man!
VOICE (again): Although, if he’s so perfect…what’s taking him so long?
VOICE (again): The #@$% should’ve been here years ago!
VOICE (again): Holy crud! What an b%@#!
by John | Oct 13, 2009 | Uncategorized
It’s always nice to have a choice…
by John | Oct 11, 2009 | Uncategorized
I’m hoping for tails–for both their sakes!
↓ TranscriptSCENE: In foreground a man's hand flips a coin in the air. Watching in the background is a concerned, young woman.
MAN: Heads I marry you! Tails I admit I’m gay...and you bravely try to forget me!
WOMAN: You know...I think I've already forgotten!
by John | Oct 8, 2009 | Uncategorized
I’m not a big fan of bigamy, but I am a huge fan of HBO’s Big Love. The show’s about Bill Henrickson and his wife Barbara…and his wife Nicolette…and his wife Margene…and their assorted kids. They’re the nice polygamists.
Most of their relatives are the trashy, evil, crazy cult-member polygamists. The kind that’ll throw a snake in your bed if you disagree with them. The kind that claim everything they do–no matter how horrible–is divinely inspired. The kind that are so bad that they’d get booted off reality TV.
Throw in a few power struggles, death threats and lots of Viagra and you’ve got must-watch TV–at least in my household.
I started watching Big Love during the first season and Shelagh would drift by, watch a couple of minutes and then leave the room, muttering “It’s so complicated!” Then she’d drift back in later, mutter and leave again.
By the third episode she was watching more and muttering less. By the fourth she was totally hooked. So, yeah, lots of love for Big Love in our house.
↓ TranscriptWOMAN (thinking with eyes shut): I'm not asking for perfection! Please...just let him be single...or at least a bigamist!
by John | Oct 6, 2009 | Uncategorized
I’ve rewritten this gag several times over the years. I think I finally got it right, but I do miss one of the gags I cut. In the original version, the woman also rented the guy’s favorite movie: The Three Stooges Meet the 50-Foot Woman from Uranus!
The things I do for art…
↓ TranscriptWOMAN (to man): For your birthday, I filled the pool with beer...and invited all your pals over for poker and porn!
MAN: Yeah! You left the toilet seat down again!
