by John | Mar 30, 2010 | Uncategorized
This is loosely based on something said (in a very public forum) by a real person. In fact, at the time, she was a comic book editor. I’ve never been sure if she was serious.
But she and her husband broke up shortly after that. So you have to wonder…
↓ TranscriptWOMAN (talking to man): Sure I can multi task! I do it all the time during sex!
by John | Mar 18, 2010 | Uncategorized
Order now. Operators are standing by. And they’re getting cranky!
↓ TranscriptSCENE: A young couple are kissing on a porch. Two identical books are on the porch steps.
HEADLINE TEXT: Are You a Failure at Fornication?
TEXT: A mating dropout? A loving loser?
Then you need the book that’s helped millions…beget more millions:
BOOK TITLE: Sex for Nitwits!
TEASER TEXT: --Learn about sex at home--alone!
--New edition with more pictures!
--Fewer big words!
--And! Shorter! Sentences!
TESTIMONIAL: “Sex for Nitwits changed my life!”
--Votta Von Tramp,
Last Kiss Home for Unwed Moms!
MAN (KISSING WOMAN): I bought two copies so I’d learn twice as much!
WOMAN: I bought three!
by John | Mar 14, 2010 | Uncategorized
I’m not lying. I’m just exploring an alternative reality…
↓ TranscriptSCENE: Man and woman talking.
MAN: I’ve stopped sleeping with my ex-wife! And I’m almost cured of my need to always lie!
WOMAN: At last...we can get married!
by John | Mar 11, 2010 | Uncategorized
Brought to you by Virgin Bright–the only tooth paste that makes your teeth and your reputation shine!
↓ TranscriptSCENE: A woman brushes her teeth.
WOMAN: Gosh! I feel so clean and minty fresh! It's like regaining my virginity...between meals!
by John | Feb 23, 2010 | Uncategorized
Orson Scott Card created a lot of captions for my recent dialog contest and I could only use one. They were too much fun to waste, though.
So–with Orson’s permission–I dialogued two of the wildest. Here’s the first. The second appears Friday.
↓ TranscriptSCENE: Young woman lying face down on a bed with a green bedspread.
CAPTION: Alien spy Ha’as Fratu got his jollies by taking the form of a green bedspread!
WOMAN: o-o-o-o-w-ee! I m-must be the l-luckiest g-girl in the universe! I p-put a
quarter in t-three hours ago…and the b-bed’s still v-v-vibrating!
Caption ©2010 Orson Scott Card
Art & dialog ©2010 Last Kiss Inc
