by John | Oct 27, 2009 | Uncategorized
Ladies, as the official spokesman for all men, I can assure you that today’s comic is…oh, hell. It’s true. But don’t feel that you actually have to cook for us.
I mean, it’s not like we’re going to actually die of starvation. We can follow recipes (if there are pictures); toast bread without burning down the house (sometimes); and we can learn to whip eggs into submission. (Bad eggs!)
In short, we’re as smart as you. We’re just lazier and better at ordering takeout!
↓ TranscriptWOMAN FLIGHT ATTENDANT: Wild passion and cheap thrills are never enough! Sooner or later men Expect you to...cook for them!
by John | Oct 25, 2009 | Uncategorized
↓ TranscriptSCENE: A nicely dressed man and woman have stepped outside during a party. They smile at each other. This is the ultimate romantic moment:
MAN: Oh, Darling, let's share everything!
WOMAN: Believe me! I just did!
SOUND (coming from woman): F-A-A-A-R-T!
by John | Oct 22, 2009 | Uncategorized
Today is Gladys Rumplethorne’s birthday. She and her husband Frank have been happily married for almost a year. The other 22 years of marriage are best not discussed.
↓ TranscriptSCENE: Scruffy-looking man talks to a woman.
MAN: Surprise! I’m wearing clean underwear…and I may even shave!
WOMAN: Gosh! Is it my birthday already?
by John | Oct 20, 2009 | Uncategorized
Last Kiss Character Bio — Anna Rexia was born in Last Kiss, USA on April 1, 1990 and she officially weighed 6 lbs 9 ounces. However…
“It’s not true!” sniffed Ms. Rexia. “If only I could go back in time. I could prove that I only weighed 6 lbs 2 ounces!
“The nurse who weighed me was obviously jealous because I was so much cuter and slimmer than her. She had fat, horrible 7-ounce thumbs and I’m sure she snuck one of them onto the scale.
“I’ve always been careful about my weight. At one point, I actually weighed less than nothing. Of course, my parents worried. A strong gust of wind–or rampaging squirrels–could easily carry me off.
“So, every weekend when we went camping, they’d tie me to a big boulder to keep me safe. Sometimes I’d be safe for days. But then I’d get loose and find my way back home.”
Sprechen Sie Deutsch? Read this comic in German.
↓ TranscriptSCENE: Beautiful woman crying on a couch.
WOMAN: How could I give in to my desires like that?
WOMAN (again): I’m showing already!
WOMAN (again): I feel like barfing!
INSET CAPTION: The day a supermodel gained a pound!
by John | Oct 18, 2009 | Uncategorized
Obviously, this comic isn’t autobiographical. I don’t have any sense except nonsense.
Happily, I do have a woman to tell me what to do because–well, I’m married. But if she’s loaded with dollars, she’s done a remarkable job of hiding it from me these last 25 years. Darn…
↓ TranscriptSCENE: A man and a woman smile as they look out at us.
WOMAN: We’re a dollars and sense couple! I’ve got the dollars!
MAN: And I’ve got the sense... to do whatever she tells me!
