by John | Oct 6, 2009 | Uncategorized
I’ve rewritten this gag several times over the years. I think I finally got it right, but I do miss one of the gags I cut. In the original version, the woman also rented the guy’s favorite movie: The Three Stooges Meet the 50-Foot Woman from Uranus!
The things I do for art…
↓ TranscriptWOMAN (to man): For your birthday, I filled the pool with beer...and invited all your pals over for poker and porn!
MAN: Yeah! You left the toilet seat down again!
by John | Oct 4, 2009 | Uncategorized
Are you happy with your health insurance? Great. I’m happy for you. Really.
But if you’re a freelancer–like most comic pros are–you probably aren’t so happy. (Unless you have a spouse with great health insurance.) Because you’re on your own, baby.
You can end up paying $1,100 a month for a basic, no-frills plan. I know because I’ve paid it. (And then paid thousands of dollars more when I found that our plan didn’t cover some basic tests and treatment.)
This isn’t a liberal vs. conservative issue. This is a comics issue. Affordable health care would be a huge boost for struggling comic pros. Instead of working three jobs to support themselves, some comic creators might only have to work two and a half. Oh, sure, affordable health care would also benefit millions of other folks. But let’s get our priorities straight, people. It’s all about me.
↓ TranscriptCRYING WOMAN: I’ll never qualify for insurance! Being a comic character is...a pre-existing health condition!
by John | Oct 1, 2009 | Uncategorized
At Last Kiss Air, we guarantee that most of our pilots are sober, experienced and trustworthy. The rest are relatives. So we’re stuck with them.
↓ TranscriptSCENE: A handsome, male, airline pilot is standing in a doorway talking to a woman.
PILOT: Hi! I'm working my way through flight school...and if I can sell just a few more tickets I'll get to fly a real plane.
WOMAN (thinks): It's a one-way ticket to doom, but...he's so handsome!
by John | Sep 29, 2009 | Uncategorized
You must remember this
A kiss is just a kiss, a sigh is just a sigh.
The fundamental things apply
As time goes by.
And when two lovers woo
Their tongues swap spit it’s true!
On that you can rely
No matter what the future brings
As time goes by.
↓ TranscriptSCENE: Man and woman kissing.
Woman (thinking): Golly! He uses more tongue than my dog!
by John | Sep 27, 2009 | Uncategorized
Yes, I Twitter a bit (under the name “Last_Kiss”) and I’m on Facebook too (“John Lustig”), but I confess that I still fritter. In fact, I’m frittering right now. Fritter. Fritter. Fritter.
I’m sending this out early because I won’t have time to fritter later. For Shelagh’s birthday (July 29), I bought tickets to attend a question and answer session with Carol Burnett. Ms. Burnett is in town tonight and if anyone can turn a question and answer session into an entire performance, it’s her. Now if I could only think of something really juicy to ask her.
Hmm…maybe if I watch some of her old clips on YouTube I’ll think of something.
Fritter. Fritter, Fritter
↓ TranscriptWOMAN (speaking to man): I used to fritter, but now I Twitter!
