by John | Oct 20, 2009 | Uncategorized
Last Kiss Character Bio — Anna Rexia was born in Last Kiss, USA on April 1, 1990 and she officially weighed 6 lbs 9 ounces. However…
“It’s not true!” sniffed Ms. Rexia. “If only I could go back in time. I could prove that I only weighed 6 lbs 2 ounces!
“The nurse who weighed me was obviously jealous because I was so much cuter and slimmer than her. She had fat, horrible 7-ounce thumbs and I’m sure she snuck one of them onto the scale.
“I’ve always been careful about my weight. At one point, I actually weighed less than nothing. Of course, my parents worried. A strong gust of wind–or rampaging squirrels–could easily carry me off.
“So, every weekend when we went camping, they’d tie me to a big boulder to keep me safe. Sometimes I’d be safe for days. But then I’d get loose and find my way back home.”
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↓ TranscriptSCENE: Beautiful woman crying on a couch.
WOMAN: How could I give in to my desires like that?
WOMAN (again): I’m showing already!
WOMAN (again): I feel like barfing!
INSET CAPTION: The day a supermodel gained a pound!
by John | Oct 18, 2009 | Uncategorized
Obviously, this comic isn’t autobiographical. I don’t have any sense except nonsense.
Happily, I do have a woman to tell me what to do because–well, I’m married. But if she’s loaded with dollars, she’s done a remarkable job of hiding it from me these last 25 years. Darn…
↓ TranscriptSCENE: A man and a woman smile as they look out at us.
WOMAN: We’re a dollars and sense couple! I’ve got the dollars!
MAN: And I’ve got the sense... to do whatever she tells me!
by John | Oct 15, 2009 | Uncategorized
I haven’t really decided yet who the speaker is. But I’m pretty sure she (or he) needs to stop waiting for Mr. Right to call and get out of that @#%& room more often!
↓ TranscriptSCENE: We're inside a dark room and can see outside through a partially open window. A voice comes from off panel inside the room.
VOICE: Someday, I’ll meet the perfect man!
VOICE (again): Although, if he’s so perfect…what’s taking him so long?
VOICE (again): The #@$% should’ve been here years ago!
VOICE (again): Holy crud! What an b%@#!
by John | Oct 13, 2009 | Uncategorized
It’s always nice to have a choice…
by John | Oct 11, 2009 | Uncategorized
I’m hoping for tails–for both their sakes!
↓ TranscriptSCENE: In foreground a man's hand flips a coin in the air. Watching in the background is a concerned, young woman.
MAN: Heads I marry you! Tails I admit I’m gay...and you bravely try to forget me!
WOMAN: You know...I think I've already forgotten!
