Complicated Sex

Complicated Sex

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SCENE: A woman talks to a man.

WOMAN: Before our honeymoon I thought I’d read up about sex! Apparently it’s more complicated with two people involved!

Art by Charles Nicholas & Sal Trapani

Good News About Dad…and That Slut!

Good News About Dad…and That Slut!

The good news is that the mind-blowing San Diego comic con is next week. And the bad news? Well…(Good, Lord!)…didn’t you hear me? It’s freakin’ next week!

If someone has a time machine handy, I’d like to rent it and get a few extra days to prepare. (I’ll gladly pay you Tuesday…sometime in the future. Or possibly a Tuesday in the past.)

This year, I’ll be rolling out some new products — including the fantastic Dark Horse/Last Kiss coffee mugs and sticky notebooks. Stuff so cool that — thanks to that time machine — I’m literally beside myself with joy.

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Young man embraces young woman and smiles at his mom.

MAN: Good news, Mom! “That slut” stopped dating dad! She’s marrying me instead!

Art by Charles Nicholas and Sal Trapani

Royal Wedding

Royal Wedding

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SCENE: A car is driving off with a "Just Married" sign on the rear. A young boy and girl are watching it leave.

BOY: So that’s a royal wedding?

GIRL: Must be! One of those guys is a queen!

(Art--I think--by Vince Colletta Studio with additional drawing by Allen Freeman.)

The Hangover, Part 3?

The Hangover, Part 3?

Weddings are all about the bride.

If you’re the bride, people will tell you it’s “your day.” (If you’re the groom–congrats. But it’s still her day.)

Of course, it’s usually good if the groom shows up too. But your duties as a groom are minimal. Show up and stay conscious long enough to mumble “I do.”

There. You’re done. Simple.

(Guys, I absolutely guarantee that this is the single easiest chore of your entire married life. Never again will you be praised so much for doing so little.)

On the other hand, if you’re the bride–you’re in charge of everything: Cake. Music. Weather. Earthquakes. Nasal hairs. Outbreaks of acne. You get the credit–or the blame.

True story: I only remember two things from my college photography class.

–#1 Never rub your eyes when you’re working with developer. (Or, in my case, never do it again!)

–#2 Shoot the bride. A lot. If the groom wanders into some of the photos–fine. But mostly…shoot the bride.

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WOMAN: Sure! I remember the wedding! But remind me anyway! Who’d I marry?

Marrying for Love? You Bet!

Marrying for Love? You Bet!

I’ve spoken to your spouse and she (or was it “he?”) assures me that she/he didn’t marry you for money.

In fact, she (he or even “it”) assures me that given a chance to remarry you “there isn’t enough money in the world to make me do it again!”

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WOMAN: Of course I love you! If I was marrying you for money...I’d marry someone else!

Pencils by Charles Nicholas