You’re Mom’s Best Gift
Thanks, Mom. I think you’re pretty swell too! Happy Mother’s Day!
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SCENE: A smiling woman holds up a happy baby.
MOM: You're perfect!
BABY (thinks): I know!
MOM: You're perfect!
BABY (thinks): I know!
Good News! I Like Your Mom!
The Last Kiss Guide to Etiquette: Don’t French kiss your sweetie’s mom on the first date. Exchanging saliva is never okay…until at least the second date.
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SCENE: A man and woman are dancing. The woman has a sloppy smile and appears to have had quite a bit to drink.
WOMAN: I’m not much of a drinker! But you probably figured that out...when I French kissed your mom!
WOMAN: I’m not much of a drinker! But you probably figured that out...when I French kissed your mom!
Family (Sorta) Planning!
It’s not like it’s a big commitment or anything…
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WOMAN: I misplaced my dog! And my guppies flushed themselves down the drain!
WOMAN: But…sure! Let's have kids!
WOMAN: But…sure! Let's have kids!
Momma’s Delicate Condition
Run!!!!
I don’t always know who my characters are. But this fearsome mom is different. Many thanks to fan Torsten Adair who came up with the following name and bio:
Gertrude P. Thornsucker. (The P stands for Patricia.) Thornsucker is her maiden name.
She was once the CEO of Amalgamated Feminine Industries. The company was merged with Sweet & Pink, Inc, at which time she retired as CEO and took a seat on the Board of Directors.
In her spare time, she does needlepoint of stock certificates (highly sought after on Wall Street) while listening to Bloomberg Radio. She is a championship Bridge player, once beating the pair of Bill Gates and Warren Buffett. (Warren mowed her lawn, Bill designed her MySpace page.)
(more…)
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SCENE: A young woman is holding a phone to her ear. Her mother is next to her and is lecturing her.
MOTHER: …and tell your father to hurry! I’ve either got gas…or I’m horny!
DAUGHTER: Either way, as soon as I hang up--I’m outta here!
MOTHER: …and tell your father to hurry! I’ve either got gas…or I’m horny!
DAUGHTER: Either way, as soon as I hang up--I’m outta here!
Can’t Wait
Patience is a virtue…if you can afford to wait for it.
Sprechen Sie Deutsch? Read this comic in German.
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MOM (to grown daughter): In my day, good girls waited to have sex!
DAUGHTER: I waited...10 minutes once! Worst date I ever had!
DAUGHTER: I waited...10 minutes once! Worst date I ever had!
