by John | May 20, 2009 | Uncategorized
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↓ TranscriptDIVER (about to be attacked by shark): Those gaping
jaws! that look of insatiable hunger!
DIVER (again): No! Wait! It’s just a shark!
DIVER (again): For a moment...I was afraid it was my ex-wife!
by John | May 17, 2009 | Uncategorized
Hopefully, before next month rolls around this guy will discover that you can read comics for free on the Internet! Otherwise, things could get messy…
Sprechen Sie Deutsch? To read this comic in German click here.
↓ TranscriptCAPTION: In the brutal, ancient past before web comics existed...
MAN (talking to mother of girl he's embracing): We're getting married! In fact...You're practically a Grandma!
MOTHER: Dream on! You can’t support a family! You spend all your money on comic books!
MAN: T-t-then I'll give up comics! I'll go cold Turkey!
CAPTION: "I took up smoking and drinking! Anything to keep
my mind off my cravings! But then...I had an idea!"
MAN: I can still buy comics...if I sell one of my kidneys!
MAN: But...what'll I do next month?
by John | May 8, 2009 | Uncategorized
I’ll be back to sexy silliness next week, but I’ve been having fun with mother-themed jokes this week. Why? Well, it’s probably because I recently created a zillion Mother’s Day gags for a greeting card manufacturer. So I’ve still got mom gags oozing from my veins.
But it’s also because this hasn’t been an easy year for the Mother Obviously Superior of the Lustig clan. So I’m really grateful that she’s back on her feet–and ready to correct my grammar–again. It’s been awhile. Happy Mother’s Day, Mom!
Sprechen Sie Deutsch? To read this comic in German click here.
↓ TranscriptDAUGHTER: Gosh, Mom! I just realized--you're right about everything!
MOM (thinking): I’ve dreamed of this day!
by John | Apr 20, 2009 | Uncategorized
To keep up with my GoComics.com/ schedule, I dipped into my old archive for material. I was never thrilled with the original version of this gag. So I made some changes. Nothing major, but the guy shifts gears and becomes a cad so much smoother now. It works for me. Hope it does for you too!
Sprechen Sie Deutsch? To read this comic in German click here.
↓ TranscriptWOMAN (speaking to man): I’m sorry, but...I can’t marry you!
MAN: I’m crushed! [Pause] Hey, don’t you have some sisters?
by John | Apr 8, 2009 | Uncategorized
Once upon a time I submitted this comic to a newspaper and was surprised to have it rejected–not because it dealt with sex, but because the gag “didn’t make sense.” The editor told me that if the man is the young woman’s father then he “has to know where babies come from.”
Sigh. So much for absurdist humor.
Sprechen Sie Deutsch? To read this comic in German click here.
↓ TranscriptYOUNG WOMAN (to her father): Dad, I was wondering...where do babies come from?
FATHER: Beats me! I keep asking your mom...but she won’t tell me!
