I Believe in Santa
Yes, I believe in Santa. Also the Tooth Fairy. And, of course, the more elusive and less well-publicized Hair Fairy (You owe me a ton of money, buster!)
Have Yourself A Mistletoe Christmas
You can never have enough mistletoe…
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SCENE: A smiling woman fantasizes about kissing a man (we see her envisioning the kiss in a thought balloon over her head.)
WOMAN: Really? I’m under the mistletoe? I had no idea!
WOMAN: Really? I’m under the mistletoe? I had no idea!
The Santa Conspiracy
I know I just ran a comic the other day about Fox News. (Or rather Foxy News.) But don’t worry. I’m not going to make a habit of this..
Last Kiss will always be more about wacky relationships and absurd lust than topical events and celebrities. (Hmm. If I did a Tiger Woods gag I could have both. No. No. Must resist.)
But every once in awhile I do have an opinion and occasionally it escapes into my work.
And, yes, I have a very, very low opinion of Fox News. But, I have a pretty low opinion of most TV news. I’m a former newspaper reporter. And the only way most underpaid newspaper reporters can get through the day is by telling themselves that TV reporters are overpaid bums who just report headlines, stand in front of car crashes and smile.
Of course, this is an incredibly broad over-generalization. In fact, it’s like something you’d hear on a 24-hour news broadcast…that fills its time with opinions, sensationalism and fluff.
I know…I’m ranting. Sorry. Next week we’re back to just funny. No axes will be ground. No soap boxes will be mounted. In the meantime, if you want a soap box of your own–leave a comment!
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FEMALE TV REPORTER: Is Santa a socialist? Is Obama behind these holiday handouts? Details tonight on Fox News!
Cyber Santa
Obviously, this woman is delusional. Nobody Googles more than Santa. He Googles while you’re sleeping. He Goggles while you’re awake. He knows if you’ve been on porn sites. So read Last Kiss instead for goodness sake!
Sprechen Sie Deutsch? Read this comic in German.
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WOMAN SMILING WITH HER EYES CLOSED: I’m good...as long as Santa doesn’t Google me!
Frosty the Snow Puddle
Watch your TV channel listings. I’m starting a new news network. (I wanted to start an old news network–“Last year’s news today!”–because that way we might actually get some facts right. Alas, it already exists as the so-called “History Channel.”)
Unlike Fox News, my new network (Foxy News—“Fairly Balanced if You Don’t Check the Facts!”) will specialize in complete fluff. Stories about kittens. Celebrity news. Celebrity views. Celebrity kittens. Celebrity tax audits. And, of course, politics—but only if there’s a sex scandal involving a celebrity.
I just hope it’s mindless enough.
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SCENE: Woman with pencil and several sheets of paper reads the news. (Yes, the station is too cheap for a teleprompter.) On the back of one of the sheets, it says "Foxy News.")
WOMAN: Is global warming real? We asked Frosty the Snowman! His response? “I’m m-e-e-e-lting!”
WOMAN (again): That Frosty! Such a kidder!
WOMAN: Is global warming real? We asked Frosty the Snowman! His response? “I’m m-e-e-e-lting!”
WOMAN (again): That Frosty! Such a kidder!
