3 Comments

1. 

   fine jams and jellies since 1982 on November 19, 2024 at 6:47 pm

   “More and More people stopped by to offer their best wishes and ask to see my engagement ring!..

   …And I had to keep waving my hand in their face and say, “Do you not see my pool noodle like fingers? Do you think they make engagement rings in size Sasquatch?!!”

   …Except Mildred. She just offered me her second best wishes and told me it wasn’t too late to swing for the other team. Whatever that means.”

   …Most people would figure it out just from those subtle clues. But I’m not most people!”
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   So when is the wedding?

   -The day after the state executes her current husband. That way they can use the same catering for both events.

   -Right after she figures out if the nostril lowers on to the fingertip or the fingertip goes into the nostril.

   -As soon as they find a young, virgin newsboy to sacrifice at their satanic wed-Hey! Jimmy!
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   I’m Always Yours…except on Tuesday, when I’m your brother’s.

   I’m Always Yours…oh wait. I meant to say “whores”. “Whores”. “Yours”. You can see where I got the two words confused.

   I’m Always Yours…And if you act now, I’ll throw in my cousin! But wait! There’s more! The next 100 callers get me, my cousin, and a free STD of their choice! Absolutely free! Now how much would you pay?
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   Happy National Absurdity Day Everyone!

   Reply
2. 

   Dave Dell on November 19, 2024 at 7:11 pm

   Christmas is the time for absurd gifts:

   https://imgur.com/gallery/they-melt-not-hand-7ESq7xd#/t/sex_toys

   Reply
3. 

   Rex on November 20, 2024 at 3:25 am

   I thought those were ET fingers. Still hard to shop for, though: every time she goes out, everyone just tells her to go home!

   If you’re determined to get yourself a virgin, better catch Jimmy before he gets to those sex toys!!

   Reply