Original Vintage Art & Text
Artist unknown. From the story “Censored” in All True Romance #2, 1951.
Curious to see more? Click this link to read the entire vintage comic book for free. This story begins on Page 26.
↓ Transcript
SCENE: Woman crying in the foreground as a man in the background looks on.
WOMAN: Why...yes! Getting married might cheer me up…a little!
Artist Unknown Restoration & Color: Diego Jourdan Pereira
©2014 Last Kiss Inc
DJP.lk174
WOMAN: Why...yes! Getting married might cheer me up…a little!
Artist Unknown Restoration & Color: Diego Jourdan Pereira
©2014 Last Kiss Inc
DJP.lk174
Wow. Really? Okay…
_________________________________________
…with an accusing look in her tear splashing orbs…
…Of course, I was much too busy watching some of her other orbs to care about that.
…I couldn’t figure out why her orbs were so wet. I tried asking my Magic Ball, but it just came back saying “Answer Hazy. Rub again later”.
…I think my tacky, loud jacket must have caused a gasket in her eyes to start leaking.
_________________________________________
“Be a good girl Stella…and go home!”
“A-alright…
…But just remember…I gave you every opportunity to be the first person I had sex with tonight!”
…I’ll go. But remember you promised to never tell anyone I picked out that jacket/tie combination!”
…I’ll go! But I’m taking the Chia Pet with me!”
________________________________________
“Be a good girl Stella…and go home!”
“A-alright…but so you know…that was more then six words.”
“What?”
“In your narration. You said it took you six words to turn me into a weeping lady. That was more then six words.”
“”Be” is 1…”a” is 2…uh…Oh. Well. We don’t count conjunctions.”
“No. That would still leave you with seven words. You’re still over by one word.”
“You’d take out “and” and “a”.”
“No. “A” is an indefinite article. It could also be a preposition or a noun. It’s not a conjunction.”
“Are you sure about that?”
“Of course I’m sure about that. I’m a virgin. Virgins always spend their Saturday nights diagramming sentences.”
“Wait. You’re a virgin? But we’ve had sex!”
“Then why am I still diagramming sentences?”
_____________________________________________
So now I’m curious what the six words he said that made her cry really were (not curious enough to read the story mind you. But curious enough to give this a shot)
What he said:
-I ate the Chia Pet. Sorry.
-All my jackets look like this.
-But I did take a shower.
-Next year’s ballot…Trump or Biden.
-My genitals just won’t stop chaffing.
-I’m not gay…well…not very
_______________________________________________
Sorry for the long one. But one last thing: why is there a star on the pink lampshade?
So may questions with this one.
Six words…
We are running out of money.
We are running out of time.
Your sister kisses better than you.
Mom says I’m your half brother.
That was the worst orgasm ever.
Does it matter that I’m sterile?
Wow, that Chia Pet really took a beating today!
Yeah, what did the poor Chia Pet do to you? (Actually I can think of about a million things)