This is the final page of a three-page story—originally called “I Was a Failure as a Woman”—that I did for Comics Buyer’s Guide (CBG) way back in 2000.
The reference to “fabulous Iola” in panel #3 was an in-joke because CBG was published in Iola, Wisconsin. While I’ve never been there, my impression was that Iola was so small (and rural) that the publishing house was the main business in town.
Transcript:
PANEL 1, SCENE: Jack and Jill kiss as a female passenger asks them for a barf bag.
CAPTION: It was the perfect kiss! The perfect man! And in that perfect moment of passion nothing else in the universe mattered!
PASSENGER: Can I have my barf bag now?
PANEL 2, SCENE:
JACK: That kiss! I-I-I’ve never felt like this before!
JILL: That’s the Brussels sprouts, silly!
PANEL 2, SCENE: Jack and Jill are kissing outside.
CAPTION: “After our flight landed in fabulous Iola, the night was ours! We did everything…and we went everywhere! The grain silos! The pig farms! And, best of all…the magical moonlight bridge over the sewage plant!”
JACK (thinking): I think I stepped in something!
JILL (thinking):
PANEL 4, SCENE: Jack and Jill are still outside and are going for a walk.
JACK: It’s settled then! We’ll get married and live happily ever after…as long as my parents approve of you!
PANEL 5, SCENE: Jack and Jill are talking to Jack’s father.
JACK: Dad, Jill’s going to quit her job and join the family business after the wedding!
JILL: Hot dog! At last…I’ll be in real high society! No more barf bags for me!
PANEL 6, SCENE: Jill and Jack get married.
CAPTION #1: “Sure, I still do some cooking! But hardly anyone ever does…or even complains about it these days!”
CAPTION #2: “You see, Jack’s family caters conventions…for comic book fans! And those people will eat anything!
1960 ART: Charles Nicholas & Sal Trapani Color by John Lustig
FK15.2.3
CAPTION: It was the perfect kiss! The perfect man! And in that perfect moment of passion nothing else in the universe mattered!
PASSENGER: Can I have my barf bag now?
PANEL 2, SCENE:
JACK: That kiss! I-I-I've never felt like this before!
JILL: That's the Brussels sprouts, silly!
PANEL 2, SCENE: Jack and Jill are kissing outside.
CAPTION: "After our flight landed in fabulous Iola, the night was ours! We did everything...and we went everywhere! The grain silos! The pig farms! And, best of all...the magical moonlight bridge over the sewage plant!"
JACK (thinking): I think I stepped in something!
JILL (thinking): <Gasp!> I can't breathe!
PANEL 4, SCENE: Jack and Jill are still outside and are going for a walk.
JACK: It's settled then! We'll get married and live happily ever after...as long as my parents approve of you!
PANEL 5, SCENE: Jack and Jill are talking to Jack's father.
JACK: Dad, Jill's going to quit her job and join the family business after the wedding!
JILL: Hot dog! At last...I'll be in real high society! No more barf bags for me!
PANEL 6, SCENE: Jill and Jack get married.
CAPTION #1: "Sure, I still do some cooking! But hardly anyone ever does...or even complains about it these days!"
CAPTION #2: "You see, Jack's family caters conventions...for comic book fans! And those people will eat anything!
1960 ART: Charles Nicholas & Sal Trapani Color by John Lustig
FK15.2.3
And the message to the impressionable young girls who were reading this graphic “novel” is that yes, blondes do have more fun, so buy and use Clairol! By the way, Iola is still big in the publishing business, especially if you are a collector of just about anything. Tiny Iola (just over 1,300 people) is also the birthplace of Dave Krieg; if you’re not sure who he is, just ask any Seattle football fan: he was their quarterback for many years.
Wow. She married some guy who bet on getting to first base with her with a guy who previously tried to get to first base with her! And the cherry on that sundae is she married him after one day in New York! I wish them a long and happy divorce!
Iola is a small town in northern Wisconsin known for an annual huge car swap meet and show.