To keep up with my GoComics.com/ schedule, I dipped into my old archive for material. I was never thrilled with the original version of this gag. So I made some changes. Nothing major, but the guy shifts gears and becomes a cad so much smoother now. It works for me. Hope it does for you too!
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↓ Transcript
WOMAN (speaking to man): I’m sorry, but...I can’t marry you!
MAN: I’m crushed! [Pause] Hey, don’t you have some sisters?
MAN: I’m crushed! [Pause] Hey, don’t you have some sisters?
Guy’s a natural salesman — can’t you see him going into politics?
I like the revision a lot better…
The first has a punchline that needed a followup explanation.
The second made you feel sorry for the guy just a millisecond, before you realized that he got what he deserved…
I definitely preferred the second.
Eilis, I think the guy’s running for mayor of a small town in Alaska. He’s campaigning heavily for the wolf vote.
Norm, I’m glad you like the new version better. I’m probably going to dump the old version when I revamp my archive a bit later this year. Thanks!
Hiya, John! My first time at the blog/site…very cool! Tho I hate to admit I think the original is funnier. I “get” the thinking behind the new one, but I’m all about the laughs.
I’ve reworked some of my own gags for strips/comics so I totally understand your motivation. Sometimes one will sit there and bug you and you don’t know why…you play with it for awhile and something comes up that seems to make more sense. But does it make it funnier? Some yes, some not. That’s what’s great about comedy–there are no right answers! If half your audience laughs, you’re a roaring success. (That’s why I’ve always had MUCH more respect for comedians and comedy writers vs. “serious dramatists”…Any idiot can write a sad or depressing story about his or someone else’s life; but how many can really make people giggle like monkeys?? It ain’t easy no how.)
Keep up the excellent work!!!!
Thanks, Bru. (Or rather Mr. Bru-Hed to give a creator of your status proper due.) I still like the new one better, but you’re dead on about the dangers of changing old work. It’s devilishly hard because sometimes it’s the quirky little stuff that you don’t seem to need and therefore cut that end up making a joke funny. I’m actually finding that it’s harder to re-write an old joke than create a new one. I think I succeed more often than I fail, but who can say?
I had never seen the original before so after seeing the latest version, I checked out the previous one. I actually liked the old one better… got a chuckle out of me which the latest one didn’t.
Well that’s two votes for the old one; one for the new. Anyone else have an opinion? This is getting interesting.