“A Kiss is Merely a Biological Phenomenon“ is not the oddest romance story I’ve ever read. Not by far! But it’s the only one that seems like a (bad) skit from TV’s The Big Bang Theory.

It first appeared in Charlton’s Career Girl Romances #49 back in 1969—way before being a nerd was cool.

As if being a nerd isn’t bad enough, the main character has the added handicap of being a girl. And, of course, she isn’t interested in love or sex because—well, she’s a brainy geek and much too smart for that nonsense.

She also seems to have no understanding of social graces or—as far as I can tell—human emotion. In short, if The Big Bang‘s Sheldon Cooper were hurled back to 1969 and turned into a girl—this would be her.

(Please click on any of the images to enlarge them.)

As any nerd knows, “centrifuge” is merely a scientific euphemism for “disgusting man parts!”

I’ll confess that when I first read panel 4, I thought she was talking about the sounds of two (or more!) people having sex in the next apartment. Alas, no such luck.

Going for his doctorate? Oh, my! It’s a nerd match made in heaven. Or—for you god-forsaken, scientist types who don’t believe in Heaven—a perfect match made in an alternative universe where nerds evolved from normal humans and are attracted to each other by special pheromones possessed only by Brainiacs like you.

Okay! Now we’re getting some action. Now if only she doesn’t wake up. The next panel oughta be hot!

Hey, I like the library too. But what about that dream sequence? Isn’t anyone else feeling sleepy?

“Never misbehaves?” Ever? Honey, he’s hiding something. He’s got a secret—another life. He probably prefers the company of men. Big, rough men who dress up and do “stuff.” The kind of stuff that men only like to do with other men.

See? I was right. He’s a pro football player—like so many other history doctorate students.

And there you have it! Sheldon—I mean, Eve—finds her perfect nerd, pro-football player lover.

And the ground-breaking baby formula she mixes up? (“iPablum for babies who can think—and chew—outside the box!”)

She wins a Nobel prize for the formula and goes on to star in the world’s first TV reality show, “The Big She-Bang Theory.”