Talk about perfect timing! My copy of Comics Buyer’s Guide #1676 arrived today on Valentine’s Day. A great Valentine’s gift for me since I did the cover and the theme of the issue is romance comics.
Well, okay. The late Dick Giordano did the original art and Allen Freeman extended and colored the art. But I wrote the dialog.
I’ve decided to just show the art here for now. You’ll have to pick up the magazine to see the gags I wrote.
Besides, it’s been awhile since I had a contest for readers. So here’s the deal.
Contest Rules
Submit your dialog for this art in the comments section below. Contest closes Monday night at midnight. I’ll pick a winner by the end of that week. Winner gets 10 Last Kiss notecards.
Him: No worries, honey! My deductible is covered!
Honey, this new health insurance covers everything I need.
You don’t understand dear, I opted for the premium medical coverage.
Woman (at door): I thought I told them to cut that off!
She decided to test me for mono.
Nurse: With Nurse Feelgood on the job, you’ll be up in no time!
Woman: And when I get done with you, you’ll be Nurse Flatface!
Nurse: I’m going to call an orderly, Mr. Abbott. You’re just too heavy to lift.
Man: Sure, I’m in the hospital and you want ME to take you shopping. Really, could you BE more self -absorbed?
Man: Honey she is just helping me up…….
“Honest, honey, we were just comparing artificial resuscitation techniques!”
Him: Praise the Lord, my eyesight is restored! Wait, Darling, is that you at the door?
Nurse (in white): Just hang on Mr. Ripley, we’ll just flip you right over and get that temperature taken.
Doctor (in red): And be sure to use the Very Large Thermometer, Nurse Ratchet, I think Mr. Ripley might have a fever.
Wife at door: (thought bubble) And just what KIND of Rest and Recuperation is THIS?
Nurse: Open wide, baby, and say “ahhh.”
Hubby: I thought you said visiting hours were over!
Woman: “ALTERNATIVE medicine my ASS!”
Come on in Honey, I’m feeling a lot better since I was ordered to Nurse my wounds!
Uh-Oh! Nurse when I cough, you say ” Nope, no hernia”.
Yikes, my wife! Nurse get a bedpan!
I fairly certain that is NOT what the doctor meant when he said “twice a day.”
I’m fairly certain that is NOT what the doctor meant when he said “twice a day.”
(I know, but I had to correct it)
HMO? But I thought you said you were a … oh, never mind.
Man in the bed: OH, honey!! I… I can explain!
Nurse: Since you already are that HARD, I don’t think you can’t explain, silly *teehee*
Woman in red(tm)Matrix: Well, I might try HARDened a doctor, and ask him to find a unnoticeable way to get your full body HARD instead of only one SMALL piece of it…
PS: I missed this contest really HARD (hu – sorry :)) I tried to make some fun lines, I hope this is english enough to be understandable (not my native language), it’s really HARD (sorry again :p) to make word play with a foreign language.
Hope you’ll enjoy it anyway 🙂
Don’t worry, honey. We’re just checking each other for ticks.
Woman in Red: Ok Nurse, now can you see his wallet under the pillow?
Man in bed: Honey, thank goodness you’re here, hit her with your purse and make her stop tickling me.
But, She’s my Respiratory Therapist!
woman at the door: When she’s done with your mouth-to-mouth I’d like to give you an enema.
“Honey! You know as a pilot that I ALWAYS overbook! But you can wait outside in case there’s a cancellation.”
Nurse, it’s a good thing you’re here. In about two minutes you’ll have to extract my head from my ass.
Him: Hello Dear. The nurse was just kissing my forehead to see if I’m hot.
Nurse: You most definitely are!
There you are Judy! Back to psych for you! Sorry Mr. Andrews Judy is a recovering nymphomaniac kleptomaniac. Stealing and dealing, that’s her.
MAN: Now THIS is the kind of alternative medicine I was talking about!
WOMAN IN RED: By the time I’m through with you honey, you’re going to need more than medicine.
Woman at the door: “When you said you need some therapy for your ‘erectile dysfunction’, Mr. Limpinsky, I don’t think this is what your insurance provider had in mind!”
Man in bed: “But it’s still covered under the new healthcare law, right?”
Woman At Door: You Cad! You Dirty Swine! How dare you!?!
Nurse: Sorry, Honey. He reminded me of my first girlfriend and I couldn’t resist!
Sweety, She was just fluffing my pillow
Mind if I join you?
Hi, Honey…the nurse was just helping turn my gown around.
I keep forgetting it suppose to open in the back…
Woman in Red: What the hell? You’re starting without me?
Man: Sorry, babe. She just wanted to give me a head start.
Man: Hey, it’s Blondie from accounting.
Nurse: I don’t think she got the memo about costume Friday.
Blondie: Actually, I’m Steve from merchandising, and I got the memo.
Great news. I should be up in no time.
Man: Uh, Nurse Sapphic. Just which doctor in the red suit on staff was it you’re married to?
Woman in Red: “The Nurse is supposed to be sterlizing the room and you should be cleaning bed pans, NOT playing doctor.”
Man: “Who’s playing?”
Nurse: “Does that mean I can sue you for malpractice?”
Wife: When you said you were giving to the Red Cross Dear, I imagined something totally different.
Husband: Uhhh, I fainted?
Nurse thought bubble: I’ll revive you.
Quick, honey. Get changed!
“Gee, mr. Robinson, your erectile dysfunctional disorder seems to be cured!”
Woman in red: THIS is a fine how-do-you-do! They told me you were resting.
Man: Well, my foot’s still asleep, but I’m getting better.
Woman in red: I suppose you’re going to tell me you don’t remember we’re married because of the amnesia.
Man: You’re right! I don’t remember ANYTHING, Sharon. I mean–who are YOU?! Get out of here!
Woman: What the hell is this?!
Man: Honey, it’s a MIRACLE! They said I’d never play ball again, but I’ve already made it to second base!
woman in red: So…. is it taken care of?
Nurse: Yes, Mistress! Another convert for Team Edward!
Man: What?!? NOOOO!!!!
I knew I recognized the snap of those pink latex gloves. Honey, meet my ex-wife.
man; Of course we weren’t “playing doctor:” I *am* a doctor and she’s a nurse.
Woman in red: And I suppose this is “just what the doctor ordered”?