Obviously, this woman is delusional. Nobody Googles more than Santa. He Googles while you’re sleeping. He Goggles while you’re awake. He knows if you’ve been on porn sites. So read Last Kiss instead for goodness sake!
In the First Grade, I had my first crush on a girl. It was tough losing her when I switched schools for the Second Grade. But I quickly recovered and soon had a new friend who wore a dress. (Yes, another girl!)
By the Third Grade, though, I was the leader of a “gang” of seven-year-old thugs. (I was tough too. I “smoked” candy cigarettes. Sometimes a pack a day.)
Of course, we were all way too cool to hang out with girls!
Girls remained icky for years. But then I grew up and reached the Sixth Grade. Then girls became…confusing. Come to think of it, they still are. Lucky me!
Watch your TV channel listings. I’m starting a new news network. (I wanted to start an old news network–“Last year’s news today!”–because that way we might actually get some facts right. Alas, it already exists as the so-called “History Channel.”)
Unlike Fox News, my new network (Foxy News—“Fairly Balanced if You Don’t Check the Facts!”) will specialize in complete fluff. Stories about kittens. Celebrity news. Celebrity views. Celebrity kittens. Celebrity tax audits. And, of course, politics—but only if there’s a sex scandal involving a celebrity.
I just hope it’s mindless enough.
If only someone would tell me…
